WORKING WOMAN

I'll be honest: I spent the better part of last month (a.k.a. "study break") in a haze of drink and drugs. This is partly because I have no self control and partly because I had access to the above drink and drugs, but mostly because I had been in the process of losing my job (this consists of being given one shift per week or fortnight because my unavailabilities are "difficult").

HOWEVAH! Recently, all this has changed! My boozin' and tokin' and whorin' and dancin' 'til four in the morning on a Tuesday have had to step aside to make way for my

ILLUSTRIOUS CORPORATE CAREER

That's right suckas! This bitch has a Monday-to-Friday, 8:30am-to-5pm, honest-to-goodness sit-in-a-cubicle Office Job. And let me tell you, after working in retail and hospitality for the last, ooh, five years or so, this shit is cushy as.

I work for a publishing company. My official job title is 'Copyright & Image Researcher', which means I spend a lot of time looking through stock photography sites for images that fit the brief given to me by one fickle editor or another, and obtaining permission to reproduce blah blah blah you don't care. Suffice to say it is actually pretty fun ("You want a picture of a sandwich, you say? Well there can't be too many of thOH MY GOD IT IS A GALAXY OF SANDWICHES.").

My workplace: let me tell you about it.

The general gist of work here is to sit at a desk in front of a computer for eight hours a day, which is good, because that's what I do even when I don't have a job. The only difference is that here I have to mostly look at the stuff I am directed to look at on the internet, rather than gay porn.

We have breaks for morning tea, afternoon tea, and lunch. I am endlessly thrilled by the idea of taking a break from sitting at my desk every two hours in order to go and sit somewhere else. There are unlimited free biscuits and crackers of many and varied flavours, and unlimited tea and coffee, which means I'm averaging five cups and at least three bikkies per day. There is a main kitchen, upstairs and across the breezeway from my cubicle, but there is also something called a Tea Point on my floor, which consists of a kitchenette with a boiling-and-chilled water tap and a fridge, and the ubiquitous ceramic jars of tea (three kinds) and instant coffee. On Friday, the boiling water tap in the Tea Point broke at around 10:50am. By noon, a temporary kettle had been installed, and on Monday it was fixed. Do not underestimate the importance of a functioning Tea Point.

There is no dress code, which of course means I am showing up to work in my fanciest and most put-together outfits while everyone else is wearing jeans and rugby shirts. But fuck that shit. Pearls! Sweater! CORPORATE MODE: ACTIVATE.

Perhaps the most exciting part of my new-found Bysiness Lyfe is the regularly and abundantly stocked full-length stationery cupboard in the copy room (As a side note, I would like to mention how much I love the copy room. I love waiting for the printer to spit out my crisply printed emails for me to staple to my image briefs. I love the hot smell of ink and paper in there, and how warm it always is. I love the recycle bin and the stamps and staplers on the production island. I love the copy room). Anyway: the contents of this cupboard are free and accessible to everyone. For free. Including me. As such, for someone who does all her writing on the computer, I have an absurd amount of stationery on and around my desk. You want a post-it note? Gotcha covered. Mechanical pencil? On it. Care for a fine- OR medium-nibbed pen in red, black, or blue?

And that's just the introduction to the Wonderful World of Corporate Life. UP NEXT: OFFYS POLITYX